Behind the smile.

Hi, I’m Brittany and i’m an alcoholic. My drunk persona appeared on Jersey Shore and Bachelor Pad. Party animal by nature and sober by choice. My memoir, Girl, Wasted exposes the darkness that led me to the light.

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#BehindtheSmile is a campaign that supports the release of my memoir. It represents individual suffering and the human disposition to smile despite painful circumstances. I will post beautiful and not so beautiful pictures from my past, revealing the pain/pleasure behind my addiction & “Behind the Smile.”

From the blog

Excerpt from Girl, Wasted:

“Immediately after eradicating my sins, I grabbed the Smirnoff and gulped straight from the plastic bottle. The burn felt pleasant and invigorating in my empty stomach. I felt a jolt, a joyous kick in the stomach. I could visualize my stomach absorbing the alcohol like a sponge on water. Only the sponge was my stomach, and the water was poison.

Alcohol was my vice and my closest friend. It wreaked havoc on my life yet stabilized my mind. It ignited a fire inside of my soul and simultaneously eased my anxiety. Alcohol was the devil and, when consumed, made me feel like an angel. It gave me wings that allowed me to fly high—high into a delusion that fed my twisted identity. That’s what drugs do. They give you wings until you drown, suffocate, or burn.

This is my story that led me to this darkness. As I sat on my floor Indian-style, I asked myself: How did I get here? How did my desire for escaping reality become my reality? It was a simple question that haunted my mere existence. How did my life as beautiful girl with a college degree and an effervescent personality become a train wreck?

I became preoccupied with chasing things that I thought would bring me happiness. Behind each controversial decision that my twisted mind made was a craving of some sort. My insatiability in every aspect of my life nearly ruined me. Enough is a word that I never used. I was never satisfied.”

This photo was my inspiration for writing Girl, Wasted. It personifies my alcoholism. This girl with the puffy face, unwashed hair and glassy eyes is unrecognizable. She reflects my disease. She sits in solitude on an untidy floor with an evil cat in her arms. Her only solace is in a bottle of vodka that sits next to her, empty. She is wasted.

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I’m a 30-year-old alcoholic. 6 of those years were wasted as a drunk. My alcoholism has blessed me with plenty of content to write a book, and that’s exactly what I did.  8 years ago, I graduated from the University of Florida. While my friends were getting jobs at Fortune 500 Companies, I was partying and pretending like I had my shit together. I moved to NYC and started bartending. I posted pictures at posh restaurants while taking stylish pictures of my crafted cocktails. My life was in distress. Yes, I was a bartender when I should have been an executive. But my situation was more dire than that. I was an alcoholic that was inventing a facade. Behind every perfect smile was a whole lot of pain. Revealing my truth becomes my mission.

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