For years I’ve contemplated writing a book about a slice of my life. I started compiling the elements of my memoir when I initially decided to quit drinking. I wrote passages here and there, but never committed to the process.
Three years and a bucket of excuses later, I became annoyed at myself. With only a few pages of scattered ideas, I feared being just another dreamer who casually announced, “I should write a book,” whenever someone marveled at my story of addiction. The accomplishment of writing a book sounded so legitimate, but the task of finishing a book proved even more intimidating.
Fast forward to March 20, 2020. My ophthalmologist office shut down temporarily in response to the pandemic. Suddenly, I am stuck at home 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I’m not a TikTok junkie and Netflix failed to distract my restless mind. If I was ever going to complete this elusive “book,” it was going to be during quarantine. I didn’t want to be a self-proclaimed author. I wanted to be a published author. I found an accredited editor and started writing. I wrote practically all day. Three weeks later, I had written nearly 60,000 words.
My editor kept the ball rolling. He advised me, revised my work, and offered accountability. I set deadlines and met them all. As I crept closer to finishing, I started second-guessing myself. I worried excessively about who was going to read my book. This wasn’t just a work of fiction: this was my story. This slice of life was my reality for six years; my recollection of a disastrous decade. Recounting every embarrassing and dark detail of life with an eating disorder and alcoholism is hard. Addiction is ugly. I wish I had a beautiful story to tell about saving the world.
I realize now, however, that my story is beautiful. Instead of hiding behind my past, I choose to embrace and share it. I understand I may piss off a lot people. l may offend people that cannot look past the cringe-worthy specifics. Critical people will disapprove because I didn’t fit into some standard or norm; or criticize me because I did! I consciously choose to let this negative energy go.
Thank you to everyone that shares in my journey.
Disclaimer: Girl, Wasted is an ADDICTION MEMOIR. It contains sensitive material that may not be suitable for judgmental and insensitive folk.
***Girl, Wasted will be available as an ebook and a paperback in a few days.