How To Raise a Drug Addict

How To Raise a Drug Addict

  1. Drink alcohol or use drugs with your children present in the home. Pretend alcohol is not a drug and remind yourself: It’s just alcohol. At the end of a grueling day, treat yourself to a glass of wine. This models substance dependency by demonstrating to the little ones that alcohol is required to unwind. Normalize the escape.
  2. Reprimand or disregard your child whenever they express authentic emotions. Remind yourself: they are children, they’ll get over it. Prioritize your own sentiments during episodes of passion. Your children will soon discover that drugs/alcohol/food will conceal those emotions.
  3. Don’t hesitate to raise your voice when children are in the house. An argument with your spouse is more imperative than your child’s anguish and anxiety. As they grow up, they will resort to drugs/alcohol/food to escape the chaos.
  4. Incorporate your kids into grown-up situations. Cue them into adult issues by oversharing. Explain to them why dad failed to come home last night or why you can’t afford the baseball uniform. This convinces them of their adulthood and permits them to participate in other adult circumstances. The stress of an adult situation would compel any child to seek comfort in drugs/alcohol/food.
  5. Make your child feel uneasy whenever they cry. Say things like, “why are you crying?” Or, “It’s not that big of a deal, get over it.” This sculpts future behavior and cautions children that crying is abnormal. It teaches them to stuff “normal” sentiments back inside. This will induce a recipe for resentment and anger—every ingredient required for drug-fueled rebellion.
  6. Instill fear into your children. This guarantees subservience. If they’re scared of you, they’ll most certainly rebel. This rebellion will manifest into inappropriate relationships, abusing authority and using substances.
  7. Use your children as collateral. When you’re arguing with your spouse, always hurl your kids into the mix. Divulge every detail. I.e. Remind your spouse that you will take custody of the kids if he doesn’t quit drinking. This will reassure the little ones that they are accessories. They’ll blame themselves for the turmoil and turn to drugs for pacification and relief.
  8. Shut your kid down whenever they speak up. Penalize any unsolicited opinions. Remind them that they are children and that their voice is unheeded. This reinforces misunderstanding. Drugs will indefinitely numb these insecurities.
  9. Find solace in your children when you are feeling grief or pain. This confuses them into believing they are adults, but only during times of desperation. This provides them with the self-authorization to participate in adult scenarios.
  10. If you weren’t a perfect parent, that’s okay. Redeem those inadequacies by eliminating boundaries as your kids mature. Grant them permission to dictate the home. Don’t forget to buy them cars and pay their rent. This makes up for things that you did when they were children. The more you shower them with undeserved rewards, the more they’ll love you. These handouts will guarantee autonomy and work-ethic.

Disclaimer: Just because an individual fails on certain aspects of parenting, does not solidify their child’s future as a drug addict. In my opinion, addiction materializes from a combination of genetic disposition and environmental factors.

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