Category Archives: Sober

Recovery is not about acquiring time. 943 days means absolutely nothing if those days were spent in misery, depression, and disorientation. Recovery is about establishing direction and purpose in one’s life. It’s difficult and unlikely for someone to instill control, aspiration and intent back into their life after it has been derailed. This type ofContinue reading “I’m Here For You”

Anger is hurt in disguise. When I fume, I don’t embark on an infinite quest to figure out why I just blew up. That pursuit is fruitless because anger is a symptom of pain. Instead, I ask myself why I feel so incredibly hurt. Before sobriety, I drank to alleviate the pain. Alcohol provided meContinue reading “Anger is Pain”

There was a point in my life where alcohol was my savior, my reason for waking up in the morning. It was my rescuer from an unfulfilling and miserable day. It gave me an escape that I desperately sought while simultaneously igniting a deeper disdain for an unsatisfactory life that I had ultimately created. ItContinue reading “The Hopeless Alcoholic”

When I first got sober in 2016, I was constantly surrounded by other like-minded people who have struggled with the same demons. My environment consisted of individuals who understood me and who acknowledged the deep pain associated with abruptly terminating self-medicating behaviors. Fast forward to 2018: I move to NJ with my boyfriend and lifeContinue reading “I Lost Myself”

Bulimia is the disease of shame. The stigma spans beyond disordered eating. It represents disgust and desperation. How could anyone throw up their food? It is appalling and aggressive to the average person. It is easier to confess starving myself than to acknowledge that I have thrown up food. Anorexia is more comprehendible and straight-forward;Continue reading “The Beast of Bulimia”

I have always been a closet Dr. Phil junkie. I craved the exaggerated chaos that the show delivered. Watching other people air their dirty laundry made me feel somewhat normal regarding my own mediocre life. Isn’t that partially why we love watching train wrecks on television? Inward pleasure is often derived by watching other peopleContinue reading “READ THIS: Before You Judge Me For Going On Dr. Phil”

This morning I woke up feeling unmotivated and depleted. Intrusive thoughts eroded any incentive that I had to initiate a productive day. The mere thought of dragging myself out of bed seemed debilitating. How am I going to put makeup on, slap a smile on my face and see patients? The monotony of daily lifeContinue reading “Combating Morning Anxiety”

This blog post is a passage straight out of Chapter 5 of my book, Girl, Wasted. The chapter is titled “Bachelor Pad Blackout,” and describes my alcoholism as it affected my ability to function as a normal contestant on reality TV. On the first day, we were given a challenge that would give the winningContinue reading “Blacked Out on Reality TV”

How To Raise a Drug Addict Drink alcohol or use drugs with your children present in the home. Pretend alcohol is not a drug and remind yourself: It’s just alcohol. At the end of a grueling day, treat yourself to a glass of wine. This models substance dependency by demonstrating to the little ones thatContinue reading “How To Raise a Drug Addict”

For years, I refused to use the word “alcoholic” in reference to myself. Today, I use it openly and freely. I love sparking dialogue about addiction to minimize the stigma attached to the disease. This conversation evolves identically every single time and I was wondering if other open alcoholics/addicts have parallel experiences. After dropping theContinue reading “When I Tell Someone I’m Sober”